"If You Borrowed Their Body for a Year—Would You Care for It Better Than Yours?"
If you had your loved one's body for a year, how would you care for it?
When I first saw this question, it really hit home for me.
As someone who has experienced multiple burnouts and eventually received a diagnosis of M.E, I know self-care intimately-and struggle with it.
I used to struggle because, like so many of us, I prioritised everyone and everything else first – “if there's any time left, I'll look after me”.
Since my M.E. diagnosis, self-care feels like an imposed punishment-if I don't prioritise it, I risk an M.E. crash. It's no longer a choice -and that can leave me feeling bullied by my own body.
I often pose questions to my clients to help them see from different perspectives - it opens a whole cascade of beliefs, ideas, and solutions we never even saw before.
And this question did that for me.
What if I looked after myself as I would someone I loved? My husband? My best friend?
My brain immediately delivered a flood of practical solutions for their care - I'd meal-plan, keep my waterproofs handy so they could take that daily walk no matter the weather, invest in that more expensive pillow for deeper sleep.
But what really struck me was what came next.
I would do all this because… Because I truly believed they were important. Because I truly believed they deserved care-and their best life.
So if I wasn't doing these for myself, did that mean I didn't really believe I was important or deserved to be my best self?
That question sent me straight to the cupboard for my walking boots. I needed to uncover what beliefs about myself were blocking my self-care.
Here's where the science comes in:
Those deeper beliefs? They're not just feelings-they're the hidden operating system driving our behaviour.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT-one of the core tools I use in my therapy and coaching work) teaches that core beliefs (like "I'm not important") sit underneath our thoughts and directly shape our actions.
If you believe you don't deserve care, your brain will rationalise skipping that walk, pushing through exhaustion, or putting others first-even when you know better.
Neuroscience backs this up: When negative self-beliefs dominate, the brain's threat system (amygdala) stays hypervigilant, making rest or boundaries feel selfish or unsafe.
In comparison self-compassion rewires this - we act despite any "threat" signals, teaching our brain we are safe. This activates the care system (oxytocin release = a calmer nervous system), mirroring how we nurture loved ones.
That's why the body-swap prompt works-it bypasses old beliefs to make self-care feel natural.
Your turn: The Body-Swap Exercise
Grab a pen. Answer these questions:
1. If I had [loved one's name]'s body for a year, how would I care for it? (List 5 actions: sleep, food, movement, downtime, kind words.)
2. Which of these am I not doing for myself right now?
3. What belief blocks me? ("I don't deserve it" / "It's selfish" / "Later...")
Pick 1 to start this month.
For me, February's shifts will be:
1.Self-talk - No more "I'm stupid" / "Not good enough." I'll speak to myself like my loved ones - with grace.
2. Asking for help - I offer it instantly to others; now I'll notice where I need support and reach out.
3. Self-care priority - No more dropping it to the bottom of my list. I'll give myself the same slot I'd give loved ones.
Try one tiny shift today. Lay out your walking boots like you would do for them. Notice how it feels. And remember - you'd tell loved ones trying new things: “It doesn't have to be perfect!”
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